1. |
In the Wool
03:07
|
|||
|
IN THE WOOL
In the wool dyed, damned, indelible
I'd planned to leave it all, turn the leaf,
learn the terms to swerve
and seize the day
In the wool come wind me in ball
come make me from a strand into a string
to something served for covering
the face
When the baby cries again, let the love ignite and swim like swallows circling, scribed across the gray. When the ram and when the ewe, huddles down to dream of dew like tallow, sod, and summer dull the blade.
Oh, in the wool come find me, minotaur, amaze me:
Born a man or born a beast by sorcery or family or just fate?
Just fate….
Of all things, now,
to unravel all the seams I've sewn
Come to think, wow! how the pattern
will reveal each bone, and I said:
"Oh, my aching hands,"
from gathering all the leaves for fire and for heat
They told me
I don't need this coat, so I stole another bead I'd loaned
from starry little me unknown
unborn
In the wool cut clean from animals I'd feed
But then the men, the empty pen, emptied, then, of every friend
And then the bruise the fear of school the solace walking in the woods
Then the face, the added weight,
the feeling fortune smiles upon
the stained
When the baby cries again, let the love ignite and swim like swallows circling, scribed across the gray. When the lamb and when the ewe, huddles down to dream of dew like tallow, sod, and summer dull the blade
And never let a kindness go to waste
I remember this like I was yesterday
|
||||
2. |
Haul Me In
03:45
|
|||
|
HAUL ME IN
Haul me in Haul me in
Every wave
will build and break so,
save me from suspense
The sea, the salt
are all the things we know
The wheel of logic faltered
long ago
Fall in easy (maybe)
or fall insane In the way
the brain unbraids
I'll stave off yesterday
And we will don the armor
just to go
to see the crawl
of water up the road
Hold, hold,
hold it here to see
No, no, no idea why me
I knew a woman who said
I couldn't love if off her leash,
and then a man
who tied my hands
when I refused
to blink…
but all along I thought
"I've never needed
what they see as--"
Haul me in Haul me in
Throw a line
through bilge and brine
I'm waving from the rip
And, please,
no talk of all the things
we've thrown
into the sea,
they're here
they'll never
decompose
Hold, hold,
hold it here to see
No, no, no idea why me
I knew a lady, she said
she'd save me, but first
she'd clip my wings
And then a guy
who, drunk, confided,
I would ruin him
I knew a stranger
and some betrayers
and a sad, old shrink
and then a blue-eyed kid
who never knew
but I did!
they had it out
for him
but all along thought
"I've never needed
what they see as--"
Haul me in
|
||||
3. |
If Only
04:23
|
|||
|
IF ONLY
Hold it still
hold it will you
shield me from
the world?
Most would build
build a building
Me?
I'll dig
the hole
I've fooled you once
assumed I was
the kind
kind king's
would clone
Made numerous
students of
the "I" in:
"I don't know"
Hold it still
hold it here
between my heart
and brain
Mow the field
mow the weeds
while every flower
pays
How luminous
the newness of
the mind in
mindless mode
Now prove to us
this pseudo stuff
will buy time from
below
If only there's
a séance set
or Ouija board,
to reach the dead
as I grow old,
at least I'll know
he's there
If only there's
a sequence known
for breeze through boughs
and bees in combs
as I grow old,
I lose my hold
on faith
If only there's
a meaning for
the need to run
and the need to love
as I grow old,
no one's told me:
Stay
If only there's
a payment, fee
for what they said
and did to me
as I grow old,
I can't feel owed
this way
|
||||
4. |
Split Lip
04:19
|
|||
|
SPLIT LIP
Oh, make a meal
make a mess,
amends
Oh, make love above,
beyond the body's bow
Suppose we should feel
every stress
descend
Suppose it's love
that walls us in
the carnival?
And we believe a theory
no one knows, or wrote;
one where reason
undoes reason
undoes hope
And a payment's found
in a tree cut down
its shade, for grain;
now what to make of this?
Just shake your head
and say:
Make a list
of all your miss:
The scenic postcard pic
The feeling: This is it!
The windup and the hit
A peaceful plot for him
A kiss with this split lip
Lower the beam
shouldered, loaded,
on me;
as if to raise the barn
but take apart
the dream
And someday soon
the darkness, the light
breaks through;
and here I thought
it was my spark to lose,
and it's true
if you let them win
Make a list
of all you wish for:
The seaside sun
The pitchfork
The piece of that ancient jigsaw
The wise and stern official
At the scene, at dawn, with pistols,
And to be, belong…
a little?
Oh, make it real
make your best attempt
oh, make love
above beyond
what I
could know
|
||||
5. |
I've Learned
04:05
|
|||
|
I'VE LEARNED
Maybe it won't add
up like before
(oh, Lord),
the payment paid in chattel,
paid in coal,
in corn
A pearl inside a shell
inside a sea,
a purse that's cursed
to swell,
not save a thing
but if I close my eyes
I can spend my time
on sleep
I've learned each night
there's a price for
better dreams
Who made hay
on a sunless day?
Blind hope, I'm told
But the kingdom caved
from the unmade bed
that's all I know
A bird inside a well
inside a field,
a certain sigh will tell
you every fear,
but if I close my eyes
will you read me
something real?
I've learned it's fight or flight
and that's fine but
Who made this?
In the mold
of the gruel and bowl
And who saved this?
Single note
for the mule and yoke
When you pay,
you pay
Maybe it won't matter
after all the cost
The same rings true
from the clapper
to the clock, the cock
A world inside a hell
inside a scream,
a serpent with its tail
between its teeth
but if I close my eyes
is there some sunlight to see?
I've learned there's more to life
than hiding here…
But I'll hide in here
Inside the windowed,
wayward, world…
Why didn't he ever say:
You're worthy?
Why did she give in,
just to play the servant?
Why'd it end up all with:
I don't know...
Why'd you leave?
|
||||
6. |
I Once Did
03:35
|
|||
|
I ONCE DID
To agonize,
to reel, to lie,
or to say
how it is
To cast the mind back
to that time
we had one
pure gift
But here's the curse:
a calendar,
is page on page,
a grid
A piece fell out
of the clock I wound
to keep our hearts
in step
But I don't feel the way that I once did
I don't feel the way that I once did
And you need a reason why that I can't give
(but I was dying)
I don't feel the way that I once did
To lay to waste,
to save the date,
to nakedly ignore
the tie that binds you
back through time
when all you craved
was love
And here's a life:
divided, splicing, silent,
cellular
And here's the strength
I need to end this
half-made on
the floor
But I don't need the things you cannot give
I don't need the things you cannot give
And it started off so slowly and then, it hit,
(but no more trying)
I don't need the things you'll never give
I don't feel the way that I once did
I don't feel the way that I once did
Cause a scene, say:
"No one's leaving,"
but I won't live
in love, in lying
I don't feel the way that I once did
|
||||
7. |
Words Fail
03:54
|
|||
|
WORDS FAIL
They love in the way
some tug and tease
the tiger's tail
They love in the way
those sirens sing
at the sight of the sail
And the weight of the world
is a dangerous term
understated given all
we don't know and won't learn
Did you wait for you boy?
Did you pray for that girl?
Are there ways to start over
With none of these words?
Name the ways
They love in the manner made from:
Time will pass us by
They love with a plan in place:
Retreat,
reframe,
retry
Well, maybe it's over
yeah, maybe it's so
but I stated that day
"I'm alive, not alone!"
In the face of the crying
in the place of the rose
I will slake this desire
in and out of these clothes
and go
home
Someday you'll stand
on the side of the censuring sea
and say "All I ever want
is to name a thing"
See, now, but:
Take these words
away from me
Take these words
away from me
from me
They love so sweet
but with strings
And they didn't love me enough
to say: "Someday you'll run from all love
like disease."
Hold me to this,
I told you my wish:
That a quotient's left over
in the ghost of each kiss.
Hold me to you
it's always been true
that the broken, eroded
still hope beyond hope
to be known
to be known
Someday you'll stand
on the side of the censuring sea
and say "All I ever want
I've ever wanted--"
In all the ways you know
may all then this be so;
And all the things you do
then all may this be--
Take these words
away from me
Take these words
away from me--
Oh, what a waste it is
what's that saying?
It's: Silence speaks
It speaks
|
||||
8. |
Move Away
05:16
|
|||
|
MOVE AWAY
We should move away
aim away from here
only a fool would stay
if just to eat for free
We should move away
not escape, but leave
I never knew a place
could both besiege
and heal
Can I say this?
Take all we saved as kids
just leave those years
of innocence
Do you follow this?
I cobbled it
from hollowing out
my years
At the heart of it
is a solipcist
an apologist
a seer
Would you stay here
if they said: "Truce, I'm sorry, too."
Could you say, then,
"Here, I made this beauty
from these wounds"
We should move away
"So, how do you see a home?"
"Oh, I just assumed one day
it would just appear,
like a dream"
Can I say this?
I'll miss the sense
of sense:
The seeing: The morning born in mist
The hearing: The magpie in the mint
The feeling: The downpour drowning skin
Do you follow this?
Like the pollen lifts
from the pond and drifts
unseen?
Take the fallen limbs and that
willow swing
to burn, to signal me.
Could you stay here if they said,
"Truce, comes home to roost."
Could you say then, "Here,
I knew this beauty
could still bloom."
Are we wayward or clear?
Am I paid for or due?
If you take me from here
will I be someone new?
We should move away
"Stay…."
Because
all I've loved
I love,
I'll love
is here
It's here
|
||||
If you like Nathaniel Bellows, you may also like:
Tides of a Teardrop
by Watchhouse (formerly Mandolin Orange)
The forthcoming album from Mandolin Orange blends rustic Americana melodies with aching, orchestral arrangements.
go to album
Meet Me at the River
by Dawn Landes
On “Meet Me By the River,” Dawn Landes’s self-described “Nashville record,” buoyant country melodies settle deep into lush instrumentation.
go to album
I Need to Start a Garden
by Haley Heynderickx
featured on Bandcamp Radio Apr 10, 2018
go to album
featured on Bandcamp Radio Nov 17, 2015
go to album
Great Loveday Wonder : The Collected Demo Recordings
by Billy Childish / William Loveday Intention
From the always-great label Tompkins Square comes two-dozen plus demos from alt legend Billy Childish.
go to album
Hazy guitars and upbeat drums merge together on this record from the Chicago music scene fixture.
go to album
The Guitar Music of Wall Matthews, vols. 1-6 Sampler
by Wall Matthews
Tompkins Square present a nine-track intro to the gorgeous American Primitive stylings of Wall Matthews—soothing, rustic, and peaceful.
go to album
