The Old Illusions

by Nathaniel Bellows

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03:02
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04:11
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03:57
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03:24
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04:25
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04:13

about

The debut album by Nathaniel Bellows, featuring 8 original songs and arrangements by Aaron Roche, Alex Sopp, David Garland,
Julie Lee & Dan Burns, and DM Stith.

credits

released January 22, 2016

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Nathaniel Bellows New York, New York

Writing, Visual Arts, Music:
www.nathanielbellows.com

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Track Name: Oh, Now
Oh, Now

All I said was, "Lead the way!"
and she forgave my old allegiance.
Call it love or Novocain,
you cannot win at life by being you.

Evening comes like bleeding ink
the palest pink gives in to bruising.
Genius dying drink by drink
I'd like to think it's not my doing.

Oh, now
the old illusions fade out
and all I do is wait now
for the news to come back in.

Lay me down, lay me down, out there
where the meadow dies in the autumn air.
And save the crutch, save the crown for when
I rise up from my sleep.

And you're reaching out, and you say out loud:
"I'm lost! Please come find me!"
And I know it's brave, to know what you need,
but when no one comes it's weak.

Oh, now
the rifle's firing,
deer run for their brief lives
the fear comes
but it's only seasonally.

And, oh, now
the curtain's lifted,
bring out your dumb and your gifted
let's see how
they'll choose whom to believe

Oh, I see...
Track Name: Modern Days
Modern Days

Hey, can you hold this?
It turned from gold to stone,
then it turned from bone to mold
in a day.

The same sad components are:
“Oh, you can never go home” and
“So, well, you’re living all alone, its a way
to save.”

See how it’s falling?
Up in the sky like a starling,
oh, dont you worry little darling
it stays

Up in the clouds,
over the heads of the crowd,
even when they’re crying aloud
to be saved.

Can we say that we’ll all be forgiven
some day coming soon?
And does it follow to say then tomorrow’s
halfway in the room?
Can this extend to include the end,
or is that too sad to do?
To do

Yes, that was wasteful:
me waiting there at your table
see all I got served was a face-full
of foam.

But I will not starve,
I’ve got the hardened heart
that keeps me alive past the part
I go home.

And the wall in the house gave way
under the weight of the modern day
and the howl of love remained,
inside the weight of the modern pain
and the tin cups and length of string
and we never could hear a thing

Can we say that we’ll all be forgiven
some day coming soon?
And does it follow to say then tomorrow’s
halfway in the room?
Can this extend to include the end,
or is that too sad to do?
To do
Track Name: At Sea
At Sea

In the end,
lack of wind,
combined with falling tide
and rising waves.

Did us in,
and just when,
the gods were on their way
to intervene.

And when they come,
they come on wings of doves
and say the kind of things like:
"Love will save you from
the pain you've known!"
And when they go,
they leave forlorn,
the things that had once
made them strong,
abandoned them like
a child out in the cold.

But who's to say
they'd come that way?
And who's to say they'd come
or even care?
And who's to know
if a life down below,
wouldn't suit us more
than a life in open air?

Because when we dream
it's blue and green,
with silver lines
etched in between,
and everything's a painting
to be framed.

And when we wake,
the dream's escaped
the colors all just bleed to gray,
and nothing's left to move us
but the train.

In the end,
for all we planned,
we wound up floating lost
out on the sea.

And all our friends
would bow their heads,
and vowed to keep us in
their memories.

Because if we fall
or if we fly,
the time that we spend
wondering why
is nothing to the time
still in our hands.

And if I thrive
or if I die,
I want you all to know
I tried—
I tried my best
to make you understand.
Track Name: Reel
Reel

All it is, is synthesis
the field of golden grain.
And all it says is: "Bring the wind!
So I can sing my name!"

But the need was seamless,
which seems impossible.
And the needle sees this
and sees what's never sewn.

Come to the edge of the sea
where it's glow, glowing;
when the dogs come, they're following me
they say "Go, just go in!"

You can see in the darkness
with the lamp in the fold of the coat,
And I was being self conscious
when I told you I'd go it alone.

Long they lay
alone
awake
and long may they still dream.
And I'm sorry the sum
wasn't one
of the wonders
you know
you're owed,
but for every gem
there's a hundred of them
to say no

And the war is through
they lied to you
And the coin is cut in two
they lied to you
And your love will have no use
they lied to you

And to them it's all truth
these lies to you
Track Name: Who Made It So
Who Made It So

By the time you wake
the spring is gone,
leave the lamb
leave the lion alone.
Leave off the man
who’s lying there
bleeding alone

Keep the light
inside the high
window
can you believe
the time
I fell down
in the road?

Hold the injured
limb
I came to see
as broken gems
in skin.
If only you’d let
them in
how lonely
how lovely

But you’re somebody
who made it so.
You’re somebody
who made it so.
Who made it so?
Track Name: The Reason
The Reason

And the common key was C
the cloud carved out of me
And the alarm rang through the street
the sound drowned out the free

Did somebody somewhere just use my name?
In the way one would say: “I now know me!”
To wonder would only renew this pain:
It’s me on the end of the phone
the reason may never be known

Here’s a lie: I’ll see you soon
Here, I’ll try to spend the night the whole way through
But if life is given by something still hidden then who
wants to die with the “why” unassumed?

Could somebody somewhere just soothe my brain?
The thundering thoughts and the silence
Could somebody love me with all this shame?
The mirror will sever the soul
the reason may never be known

Here it is, the image, from the start to the finish
the tolling bell, the cobra, the rolling gull
no one knows this so Lord, don’t tell.
It begins with the symbol, the straw on the spindle
the golden cell, “One moment,” I told myself,
“It was broken before I fell…”

Did somebody somewhere presume the end?
All in a moment of longing?
It’s just what you choose when you lose, my friend.
Say: All is calm
Say: Now, I’ll go
Take solace from
The reason we never will know
Track Name: What Would You Do?
What Would You Do?

Well, they came uncovered,
the boy and his mother;
the story, the luggage,
the stone.
And she raised him heavy
with Jesus and red meat,
the fear of the deadbeat
the drone.

And the girl would wonder
throughout Sunday supper:
"Is this how my life is
to be?"
The house stood static
from basement to attic;
the placemats where no one
would eat...

But it takes so long to say sorry,
and it builds in your body and
poisons you.
And you wake alone in the darkness
and scream "I have got this! I know
the truth!"
But if you had only one moment
to give back that torment,
what would you do?

And the lake looked amber,
the water the sandbar,
the slaughter of what had
run wild.
In the eyes, in the antlers,
on the wall, on the mantle,
so dead to the child,
so alive...

So alive, like they always would be
and so tied to the family tree,
and the light that will always
still lead them back home.
So alive, as they prayed they would be
and still tied to that family tree
and the light that will always
still lead them back home.

And the cars rolled slowly
through the town
to the hole they made,
where the cold came down
like a coin.
And the view of the pond,
but is it true that the beyond
is the just home of all the ones
we can’t avoid?

Cause it takes so long to say sorry,
and it builds in your body and
poisons you.
And you wake alone in the darkness
and scream "I have got this! I know
the truth!"
But if you had only one moment
to give back that torment,
what would you do?

What would you do now?
Track Name: The Calm
The Calm

In the fall of that fold in that faded old photo
in the hall of that home with the yard and those willows.
And they prayed every day for that face to appear at the door;
So afraid, well, that maybe the day had just come
and then gone...

In the school with the pupils and numerals in rows
and all the rules for the fools and the rules for the prose.
And they say when you age, well, your brain just gives way at eighteen
and the way it is then is the way that it always
will be...

There you go now
but if you wait a moment longer I'll come along.
And you will show us how
That if you wait a moment longer,
then it's gone.

On the street there's a siren and songbird and horn,
and always someone who is dragging themselves home alone.
And you say they will pay for the way they discouraged your dreams
But it won't mean a thing because it won't bring you any relief…

The calm and the psalm and salt
that's thrown over the shoulder
of the saddest of soldier
who's carving the doll
from the soap in the stall
of his horse...
The wish and the kiss
the admission
you cling to that note
like the carrier pigeon
who's flying alone
in the thick of the storm
in the dark...
And the scene in the dream
where nothing is changing,
but everything's changing
or so it seems...

There you go now
and if you wait a moment longer, please, bring me along.
You will show us how
That if you wait a moment longer, then it's gone.
If you wait a moment longer, then it’s gone.